Maid of Honor Demands Spreadsheet of Expenses From Bride

After they get engaged and start the planning process for their upcoming nuptials, your friend may ask you to be a member of their wedding party. And while their desire to have you stand next to them as they say “I do” is an honor, it can also be an expensive undertaking. In addition to paying for your dress, hair, and makeup on the big day, you’ll likely have to spend some of your savings on the bachelorette party, bridal shower, and gift for the bride. Ultimately, all of these costs can add up. That was the case for one maid of honor who requested a spreadsheet with line items from the bride after the fees associated with her celebration continued to climb. 

In a post on Reddit’s “Am I the A______” subreddit, the maid of honor wrote about the lead-up to her request. “I am the MOH for a friend getting married – she is pretty young (24) and so are the bridesmaids,” the original poster wrote. “When asking us to be in the wedding party, the bride made it clear she expected bridesmaids to pay for our dresses, alterations, and to be present for the rehearsal and wedding.” While the bride offered to pay for the OP’s hair or makeup on the big day, she didn’t extend the same offer to the rest of the bridesmaids.

However, the expenses associated with the nuptials went beyond the actual wedding weekend. For her bachelorette party, the bride wanted to go to a beach house in Rhode Island. Even though the maid of honor attempted to carefully budget for groceries, accommodations, and going out, the cost per person came to approximately $650. She added that the bride didn’t attempt to establish a budget for the trip—or for her bridal shower. “I am hosting [the shower], and the bride sent over a list of ~30 people who will be attending,” the Redditor wrote. “I have no idea what the budget is for this event and am having difficulty laying out the run of events + food + decorations + party gifts (is this a thing for [a] bridal shower) for everyone.” Eventually, it got to a point where other bridesmaids also started to express concerns over the costs associated with these celebrations.  

In an attempt to understand all of the finances, the maid of honor informed her friend that she needed a list of the anticipated costs. “She has said that it’s normal for bridesmaids to pay a lot for weddings, but I reminded her that we’re all on the younger side, and that’s something to be mindful of,” the OP wrote. “I asked for a clear spreadsheet of our expected expenses, so I can speak with the bridesmaids, and make a plan.” The bride estimated that the cost per bridesmaid would hover around $1,000—a much higher cost than what was initially expected. “I asked about us stepping back from the bridal shower, and she admitted her mother (which is a whole other issue) said because she’s paying for the wedding ($25-30k) itself, that the bridesmaids have to do the bridal shower,” the Redditor added. Ultimately, the OP offered to host the shower—but is doing so reluctantly. “I’m never saying yes to MOH again,” she wrote. 

Other Redditors expressed horror at the bride’s attitude toward her friend’s concerns over costs. “I think your perspective is reasonable, and it seems like the bride wants to ignore gentle concerns being raised about the cost implications,” one commenter wrote. “I also think making specific demands for others to host parties for you is in bad taste, and she should be working with you as her MOH to make plans that work.” Some went even further, pushing the OP to stand up to the bride. “Tell her the budget or the highway,” one person said. “Stand up to her. I don’t care [if] she is the bride. She is rude and entitled if she can’t give it to you. Some people have a thing called a budget.”