So if you are trying to get your ideas across or you want to influence an outcome that is going to support your work, then persuasion is a skill that really matters. But it’s not one I think that will always talk to do. And some people do it brilliantly. And some of us are struggling to know what to do differently.
And so we’re going to borrow some insights from Robert Cialdini, who’s done lots of work in this area. And there are three simple things I think you can do that will increase how persuasive you can be in the moment. So if you’re in a conversation with somebody and also increase how persuasive you can be over time. These are research proven and I think they are relatively easy for everyone to do.
So the first thing in the moment to increase your persuasion is mirroring. So when we mirror people, that creates a connection with somebody and it increases how influential we can be with them and how persuasive we can come across. And the obvious way to mirror that people talk about is body language. But I think you have to be really good at that.
And I think when people talk about mirroring, it’s, you know, someone crosses their arm, you cross your arm. If someone leans forward, you lean forward. I think you have to be very good at that for it not to look forced and fake. So a more subtle way of mirroring that I like to do is with mirroring people’s language.
So listen to the words that they’re saying. So if they’re talking about performance or efficiency, you can then start to mirror their language. Play those words back to people. It becomes more persuasive in your communication and create some slightly different points of connection. So that’s the first one for in the moment. The second thing for in the moment is likeability.
So you are more persuasive when people like you. Now that doesn’t mean that you have to be just super nice to everybody, super smiley all the time. That isn’t always what results in likeability. It’s back to this point on connection, and there are lots of ways that you can create connection. It can be because you and the person you’re talking to connect over a particular topic could be anything from coffee.
I’ve definitely seen I’ve seen Sarah do this brilliantly, where she will create connection with somebody over a discussion about coffee. And that creates greater likeability with that influence. If you’ve got a foundation of likeability, it will increase how persuasive you can be with that person. So start looking out for those little moments of connection that can create that likeability.
I think the easiest way to do this is through listening. Listen to how someone started their day. Listen to what they might have done at the weekend. Listen to what they’re doing for the rest of the week. If you are listening, you can spot the things that they might like, that you can connect authentically to what you might like, and then you can create that connection.
So mirroring and likeability are really good for in the moment, persuasion for sort of after the moment or at least over time, persuasion. The third thing I’d recommend is building reciprocity into the relationship. So think about that person that you want to have more persuasion with. And reciprocity starts with what you give. So if you give to somebody they are much more likely to want to give back to you.
And it’s sort of a persuasion technique that you can build into your work. So first of all, you’ve got to spot the person that you want to have more persuasion with. And then you need to think, what have I got to give that is useful to that person? Now I see this where a lot of people stall because they think, oh, I’ve not got anything to give, but you might have your experience to give.
Maybe you’ve done something in your role, or even a previous role that could be useful for that person to be aware of. And I’ve definitely done that before where I’ve worked in other companies, and I’ve had insights from working there that I’ve shared that with other people that was useful to them. And definitely creative persuasion in the relationship for me.
And maybe you’ve got expertise. Maybe it’s not about experience, maybe it’s about expertise. You have some deep subject matter knowledge. You can give that generously to that person. That is then more likely to result in the reciprocity in the relationship. Or maybe it’s just energy. Maybe you’re particularly passionate about something that that person is also interested in. You kind of offer up that energy to that person.
That’s something that you’ve got to give. And again, that creates reciprocity. That that the caution I think with this approach is the reciprocity is built over time. So this is not a tactic of if I then you that’s not what we’re doing here. We are building reciprocity into the relationship as a way that we increase our persuasion over time.
And to be honest, you’ve got nothing to lose by doing it, because I think generously giving to people is always going to build better relationships anyway. But if there is someone that you want to influence, if you want to increase your persuasion in your role, then that mirroring, likeability and reciprocity are three proven ways in which you can do it.
So I hope that has been useful. If you want a longer listen. Definitely look for the episode that I did with Robert Cialdini, because he talks about some more principles that are useful if you want to add on to what I’ve talked about today. Thank you so much for listening. I’ll be back with you again soon.