There are plenty of different ways to pay for an engagement ring: Some people save up for months or years, carefully putting aside the funds necessary for their partner’s dream diamond. Others may tap into their savings accounts or borrow money from family members. Others still finance an engagement ring through a jeweler or with a credit card. Ultimately, while we believe no one should take on significant debt to pay for an engagement ring, there are a number of different ways to make this purchase happen, and it’s important to find the one that works for you and your relationship. As for the wrong ways to pay for an engagement ring? One man recently learned the hard way that asking your partner to foot the bill for her own bridal jewelry is typically viewed as a bad idea.
In a Reddit thread titled “AITA for asking my girlfriend to pay for her own engagement ring?” one user outlined a conversation he recently had with his girlfriend of three years. The original poster noted that he is 24 and his girlfriend is 25, and the two already live together. She makes significantly more money than he does, the poster notes, and the pair have already discussed the idea of marriage and that they’ll eventually share one bank account. “Since our money will be shared anyway, I asked if she would pay for her engagement ring,” he explained. “I thought this made a lot of sense and wouldn’t be a problem. I was wrong.”
The poster went on to explain that his question really upset his girlfriend. “My gf seemed really offended by this and said that she wouldn’t fully buy her own ring. I don’t get this, it’s going to all be OUR money anyway, so why should it matter who pays for the ring? She’s been kind of distant with me and I’m wondering if my request was really so wrong. AITA?” he asks.
Reddit users were quick to jump in, agreeing with the girlfriend that the original poster is very much so in the wrong. “YTA. That’s like an extreme version of asking someone to buy their own birthday present. And just because you are married doesn’t mean that you are entitled to her money,” one commenter explained. “YTA. have you even tried to save? It sounds like you’re banking on her money,” another added.
The original poster modified his first message with an edit, explaining that he is in no way trying to tap into his girlfriend’s funds. “Wow, I see everyone thinks I’m a gold digger after my gf’s money? That’s ridiculous, I love her for who she is, not her money,” he wrote. “I’m in between jobs right now and really can’t afford the ring but we’d both like to get engaged as soon as possible and she deserves something nice. I don’t see why saying the money will be ours anyway is so bad, because it WILL. My money will be hers, too in our future joint bank account.”
Rather than criticizing the groom-to-be, another Reddit user offered a helpful solution. “Buy whatever ring you can afford, if you both agree a ring is something you want,” they note. “If she wants something more expensive you can have that conversation.”