1. My coworker wrote a sonnet about my absences
I am a teacher. We have professional development days every so often. I take sick time for about half of them. Recently on a PD day I was here for, one of the other teachers read (in front of my colleagues) a sonnet he wrote about me being absent frequently. It was written in a joking, or depending on how you look at it, mocking tone. I was kind of stunned in the moment while it was happening and laughed it off.
I don’t know this teacher very well, and he has only been in our district for a couple years. What he doesn’t know is that the reason I’m often absent on those days is that after my son died, I had a hard time coming back to work. I couldn’t make it through more than a week or so without being absent for one or two days. As part of a strategy to address that, my counselor and I came up with the idea to be absent on PD days and less on regular days — that way the absences were less impactful on me and the students, and being out only on PD days gave me a goal to reach. I got better slowly, but it’s still a process and I still struggle. PD days are still kind of a target to make it to for me — a kind of relief valve. I’m trying to be out less of them, but it’s slow progress.
The more I’ve thought about it, the more I feel like I have to respond to him, and I drafted an email (he works in another school and I have no desire to talk in person to him about this) professionally addressing the issue. In the email I told him why I am absent, and made it clear I’d not address this further. What’s your opinion on sending it? I just don’t feel like I can let it go, but I also have no desire to bring admin into the situation. Also, I feel like I should cc to the other teachers who were present when he read the poem.
I’m so sorry — both for your loss and for this ass writing a poem to mock your coping strategy. Even if you missed a lot of PD days for some less sympathetic reason, he would have been out of line, and it doesn’t sound like you have the sort of relationship with him where he could have reasonably expected that it would taken as good-humored ribbing.
I haven’t seen the email you’ve written, but as long as it’s short and matter-of-fact, just giving him the information he lacked, I think you can send it. If he has any sense at all, he’ll feel mortified, and he should. I’m less convinced that you should cc the other teachers … but I do wonder if there’s someone you’d be comfortable confiding in who would quietly fill in others who were there so that you don’t have to.
2. My boss asked me if I was job hunting because of her
I’m in an uncomfortable spot right now. My boss asked me point-blank during my yearly performance review if I was job hunting because of her. I deflected with a half truth — that I’m job hunting because I need to make more money, and the only way to do that is to move up into a management position, which isn’t a possibility at my current job.
The thing is, I’m also job hunting because of her. I could write a novel about her poor management, but that’s not the point of this email.
How can I address how inappropriate that was with both my boss and with my grandboss (her supervisor)? It was a supremely uncomfortable moment, but more so because it happened during a meeting regarding my performance review. I have no doubt that whatever facial reaction I gave negatively impacted the review, and I’ve already had upper management (my great-great-grandboss) ask me about my review since it happened.
It’s not outrageously inappropriate for a manager to ask an employee if they’re job hunting, particularly in a review conversation where how things are going generally is being discussed. It can be a naive question because there’s no reason to assume they’ll get an honest answer, and it obviously can make the employee uncomfortable if that’s not information they care to share — but it’s not so inherently out-of-line that you should raise it afterwards.
I can’t tell if your manager already knew you were job-searching and only asked if it was because of her, or if she was asking whether you were job-searching, period. The former would make even more sense (“are there things we’re doing that are driving you to want to leave?” is a reasonable thing to ask about) but neither would change what I said in my first paragraph.
For what it’s worth, while she’s welcome to ask the question, you’re never obligated to disclose anything about a job search that you don’t want to disclose. In most cases, it makes sense that say that you’re not actively looking, regardless of whether or not you are. (There are some exceptions to this, but they’re very much exceptions.)
Related:
should I tell my boss I’m job-searching?
3. Why would a company announce layoffs in advance?
This article makes Meta sound awful but also says that in April, Meta announced that it would lay off about 8,000 people in May. Their head of human resources is quoted as saying, “I know this leaves everyone with nearly a month of ambiguity which is incredibly unsettling.”
Why would they publicly announce layoffs in this way? What’s the benefit to the company’s bottom line that makes the incredibly awful morale this brings worth it? I’d understand if they were offering employees to volunteer to be laid off, but it doesn’t sound like they are. Are they afraid the info would leak? Do they get some benefit from telling shareholders? But is a month of time really worth that?
When a company announces layoffs in advance and tells specific people that they’re being laid off, it can be to comply with the WARN Act, which requires employers with 100 or more employees to give 60 days’ notice of mass layoffs (or to provide an equivalent amount of severance in lieu of notice). But in cases like this, where they’re not notifying specific employees and instead it’s just a general announcement that layoffs are coming but no one knows who’s affected, sometimes it’s because they know word is likely to leak anyway and people will lose trust (or lose more trust) in leadership for denying that it’s happening. Other times they’re sending signals to investors about their management of the company, particularly if it’s obvious they need to make cuts. And sometimes, too, they’re hoping for attrition — that if some people leave on their own, that’s fewer layoffs for them to do. (That’s generally a terrible idea since the people who can usually leave the fastest are likely to be your strongest employees.)
This question is timely because the first round of layoffs that Meta announced back in April happened yesterday. For some reason they chose to do it by informing employees that the people being laid off would receive an email letting them know at 4 am local time in their region (why?!).
4. How can I get back in touch with former coworkers who I really liked?
At my last job, I got along very well with most of my coworkers, but never became the type of friends to hang outside of work. There was also a pretty significant age gap, with me being about 20 years younger than the next youngest coworker.
I left this job to go back to school, which has been overall a good choice, but it can get a bit lonely. I miss spending time with my coworkers from my last job — it wasn’t a close relationship, but they were all really lovely and interesting people, and I enjoyed our lunchtime conversations. I’d like to see them again, but I’m really not sure if it would be appropriate to reach out and say this.
And, if it would be appropriate to reach out, what would be the best way to do this? Should I invite them all for a happy hour? Ask individuals to get coffee? Just send a general message expressing that I value their friendship?
I know I’m probably overthinking this, but it’s hard to know what is normal this early in my career. Any advice or stories from you or the commenters would be appreciated.
Yes, tell them you’d love to catch up and suggest a happy hour (or, if you’re geographically close enough during the day, a lunch during the work day like you used to do). Or if there are a couple of people who you especially clicked with, invite them to coffee! Any of those are fine and normal. (Personally I would be delighted if a much younger former coworker suggested that — they may think you’re not interested in keeping in touch because the age gap puts you in different stages of life and they might be honored to know you’re actively interested in staying in touch.)
5. Our department chair doesn’t know about major work I’m doing
I’m an assistant professor at a community college, where I’ve been on the faculty for a couple of years. I have a PhD, I publish actively, and I’m involved in curriculum development and department leadership. By most measures, I’m a engaged and productive faculty member. Previous to this position, I worked at a much more prestigious university but made this move so that I could prioritize my family (and I do truly love teaching at a community college).
Recently our department completed a hiring search, and during a conversation about the new hire, the newly appointed chair of the department made a comment that surprised me. She said she was excited because the new person would bring active scholarship and publishing to the department, and that no one else in the department does that kind of work. This isn’t true. I publish. I present at national conferences. I’ve done this consistently since joining the faculty. My chair either doesn’t know this or didn’t think of it in the moment, but the effect was that my contributions were erased in a fairly public way, and despite my best efforts, it has really affected how I feel about the chair, the department, and the college in general.
I want to address this with my chair, but I’m not sure how. My goals are twofold: I’d like her to actually know what I’m doing professionally, and I’d like to understand whether there’s something I should be doing differently to make my work more visible at the department or institutional level. I don’t want this to come across as a complaint or as me being precious about recognition. I genuinely want to have a productive professional conversation, and I also want to feel like my work is legible to the department and college.
You can be pretty straightforward about it: “When you announced Valentina Smith’s hiring, I was surprised that you said that no one else in the department is doing active scholarship and publishing! I wanted to make sure you know that I am doing ____ (fill in with specifics).”
Depending on her response, you might then say, “It made me wonder if there’s more I should be doing to ensure that work is visible in the department and more broadly. Do you have thoughts on that?”