As you and your partner start the wedding-planning process, you may begin to have conversations with your parents about contributing to your big day. You’re not the only pair to do so; on average, parents contribute to at least 50 percent of the costs of their child’s nuptials, according to Northwestern Mutual. And if your or your partner’s parents decide to cover some of these fees, you may give them a say in some aspects of the celebration. Maybe you permit them to invite more of their friends to the affair, or allow them to select their preferred caterer. However, you likely expect to retain the final say on all wedding-related matters. Yet that isn’t the case for one couple. After agreeing to have her future in-laws pay for the entirety of her wedding, one bride detailed how they’re now demanding approval over every detail.
In a since-deleted post on Reddit’s “Wedding” subreddit, the frustrated bride wrote about how she now regrets her decision to allow her future in-laws to fund the celebration. Not letting the couple make their own choices around the big day, the groom’s parents are insisting that every detail is approved by them. “We can’t move forward until they’re happy,” the bride wrote, according to People. The situation was worsened when the pair’s initial venue plans fell through, and they needed to scramble to find an alternative option. When they eventually found a spot they were both excited about, the bride’s future in-laws weren’t impressed. “So we’re back to square one,” she wrote, according to the outlet. “[While] we are grateful that they want to pay, somehow I feel like it’s more of what they want, and not about our wedding. I’m regretting agreeing to it, but unfortunately it’s too late to back out now as many [guests] have booked their tickets to fly in for the wedding. I want to tell my partner for us to just shoulder [the wedding costs] ourselves, but he would rather have his parents pay for it than to come out of his pocket.” Due to the couple’s financial situation, the bride added that they’re not in a place to split the costs with the groom’s parents.
Redditors pushed the bride to set boundaries now. “Just book the venue and pay for it yourself,” one commenter wrote. “Tell your fiancé to cut the cord. If he allows his parents to inject the finances and their opinion, it will poison your marriage.” Others highlighted that she needed to focus on finding a location to hold the celebration at. “The venue is the most pressing issue – could you be in a position to pay for it yourself?,” one user asked. “How much of an issue would it be if you put down a deposit on the venue you love and commit to paying for it, and they can pay for everything else? Normally I would advocate pausing everything and having a proper conversation. Your fiancé needs to have a greater hand, if there’s something you both love, in managing his parents. However, the fact that people have booked flights makes me nervous, and you don’t have much time.”