Your engagement ring is a piece of jewelry you’ll wear for the rest of your life, so it stands to reason that you’d want it to be something you’re excited to see on your hand each day. While there’s nothing wrong with sharing your engagement ring preferences with your partner (or a trusted family member or friend) ahead of the proposal, unless you’re designing your bridal bauble together, what the finished piece of jewelry actually looks like is largely out of your hands. One woman, who was married eight years ago, recently took to the online forum Mumsnet.com to explain that the engagement ring she received didn’t live up to her expectations, and when she told her husband this, he was offended.
“DH and I been married 8 years have a good relationship. His proposal was thoughtful and I know he got me the best ring he could afford at the time which I am grateful for,” she wrote in her post. “However I hate to admit this…but I want a bigger diamond. One reason as I think it would suit my hand size and finger shape better. Plus diamonds look so pretty I just want that ‘wow’ factor.” She went on to add that it feels like everyone she knows “has a rock these days,” and that she’s envious of family members and friends with larger rings than hers. “I spoke to DH about it and he was understandably a bit offended. Felt like the worst person ever but I guess I had to be honest,” she added.
In a poll she posted alongside her message, 87% of respondents told the original poster that her request for a larger diamond was unreasonable. “If you want to buy a fancy ring then buy yourself one,” one user wrote. “Trying to tie it to an engagement that happened eight years ago seems unfair and greedy.” Another added, “I think that’s incredibly shallow and pretty awful. That ring is a symbol but all you care about is looking flashy.”
All in all, over 300 people responded to the message and over 1,600 people voted in the poll. Most people agreed that changing out her engagement ring simply because she wanted something larger now was in poor taste; many agreed that they would be offended if they were in her husband’s position. Others were less harsh on the original poster, noting that asking for a new ring isn’t that big of a deal. “It’s just [jewelry],” one user wrote in the original poster’s defense. “There’s nothing wrong with wanting something new or nice.”
So, what does etiquette say about engagement ring upgrades? Ultimately, if you and partner both agree it’s time for a change, there’s nothing wrong with that, especially if your financial situation is drastically different than it was when you got engaged. Still, there is something to be said for sentimentality. Instead of trading in the diamond altogether, consider resigning the engagement ring, potentially included additional stones if something larger is your preference. Another option? Keep your engagement ring just as it is and get an anniversary band instead.