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One of the most common challenges my clients bring to coaching is the stress of a difficult relationship — a colleague who won’t collaborate, a supervisor who feels adversarial, a friend, family or community connection whose behavior leaves them drained.
But what do you do when you can’t simply “talk it out”?
Maybe the other person isn’t open to the conversation. Maybe emotions are too charged. Or maybe communication has broken down so completely that even approaching them feels impossible.
In situations like these, I often share a powerful—yet surprisingly simple—practice called Ho’oponopono.
What Is Ho’oponopono?
Ho’oponopono is a traditional Hawaiian method for reconciliation and emotional clearing. Its purpose is to restore harmony within relationships by healing what’s unresolved within ourselves, rather than attempting to change someone else.
The practice centers around four statements:
I’m sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.
I love you.
That’s it.
You simply bring the person to mind—whether it’s a board president, a boss, a partner, a co-worker, or anyone with whom things feel strained—and repeat the four statements silently. You don’t say them to the person. You don’t even need them to know you’re doing it.
Why This Works (And Yes, It Works)
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It sounds almost too simple, yet the results can be profound.
Several of my clients have used Ho’oponopono when they felt stuck, frustrated, or powerless in a relationship dynamic. In many of those cases, something shifted—sometimes quickly, sometimes subtly, but often meaningfully.
The relationship softened.
Tension eased.
Communication opened back up.
Resolution emerged without the difficult conversation they were dreading.
Ho’oponopono works because it changes your internal state—your energy, your assumptions, your emotional charge. And often, when you shift, the dynamic shifts right along with you.
Want to Go Deeper?
If you’re curious, I highly recommend this mind-blowing article on Ho’oponopono — it offers incredible insight into the origins and power of the practice.
And if you want to explore the philosophy more fully, the book Zero Limits is a wonderfully inspiring read. Many people consider it the modern doorway into understanding how Ho’oponopono can create transformation in relationships, work, and life.
When to Use Ho’oponopono
Try this practice when you…
- Feel stuck in a relationship dynamic
- Can’t productively talk things out
- Want emotional clarity before addressing a conflict
- Need inner peace around a challenging person
- Are looking for a non-confrontational way to shift a situation
It costs nothing, takes only minutes, and involves no risk.But the potential impact — for your relationships and your own peace of mind — can be significant.
If you’ve been wrestling with a difficult relationship lately, perhaps it’s worth giving Ho’oponopono a try.
And if you want support navigating challenging relationships or transitions at work, I’m always here to help you create clarity, confidence, and meaningful movement in your career.